In Your Shadow
by sicilian dragon
Summary: Harry tries to cope with losing Ron, among other things....and Hermione tries to understand in her own way...rated PG-13 for some scenes, but may be R later on


In Your Shadow  
  
Warrior is A Child – Gary Valenciano  
  
Lately I've been winning battles left and right But even winners can get wounded in the fight People say that I'm amazing Strong beyond my years But they don't see inside of me I'm hiding all the tears  
  
(Chorus)  
  
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down They don't know who picks me up when no one is around I drop my sword and cry for just a while 'Cause deep inside this armour The warrior is a child  
  
Unafraid because his armour is the best But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest People say that I'm amazing Never face retreat But they don't see the enemies That lay me at His feet  
  
Chorus x2  
  
I drop my sword and look up for His smile Because deep inside this armour Deep inside this armour Deep inside this armour The Warrior is a Child  
  
***  
  
"Harry, come on now...we...we have to say goodbye." Ginny's faint voice came from outside his door. He didn't dare move. He just sat there motionless in his own little corner.  
  
It's time to say goodbye...goodbye...it's time to say goodbye... These painful words swirled in his head ...time to say goodbye to my shadow...my friend....  
  
"No, stop it!" he shouted, tears streaming down his cheeks. Tears of pain, anger and sorrow. He covered his ears and acted like a child who just woke up from a hellish nightmare, and somehow Harry felt like he had. He rocked himself away wishing himself to just disappear.  
  
"Harry?" Ginny's voice echoed in his head.  
  
Harry looked up to where the voice came from. His tears blurred his vision, but he knew that it was his friend and Ron's sister ...Ginny.  
  
"Come on Harry..." Ginny's voice trailed off  
  
Harry wiped away the tears from his eyes and looked up at her. He was surprised to see that, like him Ginny's eyes were as red as ever and her cheeks were still wet from tears. Again, Harry buried his head into his knees and cried softly. Tears began rushing down his cheeks and his shoulders shook violently. Ginny rushed over him and gave him a tight hug.  
  
"It's okay, Harry," Ginny tried to say, but her lower lip trembled, her chin quivered, and she ended up crying with Harry.  
  
"I'm so sorry Ron...I'm so sorry..." Harry repeated these words again and again, his words running faster and faster until they blurred together to form a horrible, wavering moan.  
  
Hermione was climbing up the stairs wondering what was taking Harry and Ginny so long to come down. Then when she was near Harry's room, she heard them crying together. Hermione took a deep breath and peered into Harry's room and saw them crying, just crying ...something she wanted very much to do.  
  
"Harry? Ginny?"  
  
They looked up at her with their tear-stained face. Ginny gave her a weak smile and Harry buried his face in his hands.  
  
"I can't do this 'Mione."  
  
She looked at him, tears threatening to fall any moment. "Neither can I Harry, but we have to be strong."  
  
Ginny nodded, "Hermione's right Harry. We have to be strong...for Ron. He may be my brother but I don't know him the way that you guys do. But this I know, Ron wouldn't want this. We have to say goodbye for now, though it's not really goodbye, as long as we keep his memory alive... it's still not goodbye."  
  
***  
  
The sun was peeping through the clouds and the sky was blue as ever. The birds seem to sing such beautiful songs as they flitted from one branch to another. A soft breeze was tickling everyone, trying each and everyone to forget what they were there for. Everybody seemed to cry their hearts out, and Harry wanted to join them but he felt that he has no more tears left to shed.  
  
Harry was the first one to be asked by Hermione and the Weasleys to give the eulogy but he politely declined because he thought that he couldn't handle it. He was still not ready to say goodbye. So then Fred decided to give the eulogy, which was to everyone's surprise. Nobody thought that Fred could actually write such beautiful words to remember one's life. It was a short and simple one, though it described Ron's life perfectly. Everyone who knew Ron was at the funeral, wearing white as Hermione requested. They listened intently, grasping every word that Fred said, grasping what they can of Ron's life, his memory.  
  
People started to leave just after the funeral ended. They all gave their condolences to the still grieving Mrs. Weasley and gave a pat on the back and few encouraging words to Hermione.  
  
"I never did like funerals." Hermione whispered to Harry. Harry just nodded. "Do you want a muffin?" She asked, offering him a tasty looking treat. Harry looked at the muffin and back to Hermione.  
  
"How can you be so cool about this thing?" He cautiously asked her. Hermione sighed and picked at her muffin. "I'm not. It's just that I'm pretty sure Ron wouldn't want to see us like this." She answered him, handing him the muffin. "Well you better get something to eat...and don't strain yourself too much." She gave him a small smile and turned to her heel.  
  
Harry heard Hermione's words replay in his head. He looked at the people who were already leaving and walked towards Ron's grave. He looked at his epitaph and smiled a little.  
  
"Brought Light in the Time of Darkness."  
  
Ron had a strange sense of humor. To his death, he had a sense of humor. Harry sighed and stared at the gravestone for a few minutes. Why did you have to leave us? Why?  
  
***  
  
A few weeks have passed since the funeral and Hermione (who was now living with Harry) and the Weasleys decided that they should have a get together at Harry and Hermione's house in memory of Ron.  
  
All of the Weasley's arrived at their house by Floo powder and Remus had Apparated the day before. Hermione greeted them at the fireplace and as soon as Mrs. Weasley got out of the fireplace, she rushed to the kitchen to help Remus with the cooking.  
  
"It's nice of you to do this, Remus dear." Mrs. Weasley smiled at him as she was peeling some potatoes.  
  
"Its nothing really...I just want to make sure that after all that's happened, everyone still has their sanity."  
  
"Well, you're right. And besides, I also want to make sure that Harry's handling things okay."  
  
"Me too. Hopefully everyone would be satisfied with our cooking tonight Molly. I'm hoping everyone would have fun." A minute or two lapsed with nothing said between them, the finally Molly softly said,  
  
"Though it much more fun if Ron was here...then it would be complete." ***  
  
"Dinner was fantastic, Remus!" Hermione said while taking a bite out of a pumpkin pasty.  
  
Remus blushed, "I wouldn't have done it without Molly...she's a cooking diva!"  
  
Nearly everyone laughed. Harry just sat there, saying nothing to anyone and just sitting quietly out of politeness to everyone, though what he really wanted was to desert them all and run. All of a sudden Hermione stood up and opened a nearby window. A gust of cold wind gushed into the room.  
  
"Hah, finally...it's becoming so stifling in here." Hermione stood in front of the window and munched heartily on her pasty. Everyone eyed her with bewilderment.  
  
"Ginny, please pass me the pie."  
  
"Hermione, you've been acting a bit odd lately," Ginny inquired, passing her the pie.  
  
"Actually, I have been feeling a little odd lately. I have these bouts of morning sickness at times and I seem to crave for anything and everything at any given time...at one point I even thought that I was pregnant!"  
  
"Maybe you are pregnant dear..." Molly Weasley joked.  
  
Nearly everyone laughed, with the exception of Harry. Then as quickly as the laughter came, everyone became silent. Mrs. Weasley and Ginny looked at each other then looked at Hermione. They dragged her in a nearby room. Ginny came out after a few minutes, quite flustered and said to the awaiting crowd,  
  
"Well, we did some tests on her...and well, she's pregnant!"  
  
Everyone (and again with the exception of Harry) cheered in delight. A few seconds later, a rather pale Hermione came out of the room.  
  
"You're going to be a mum soon, Hermione!" Remus quipped and she gave him a strained smile.  
  
"Well, I'm still going to a Muggle doctor-" she held up a hand to stop a stream of protests, "I'm just going there for a second opinion!" She said quietly and added, "Besides, Harry is going to come with me, aren't you Harry?"  
  
Everybody turned to the half-forgotten Harry, expecting an answer. He looked at her for a moment, a haunted look that scared Hermione and said,  
  
"If it weren't for me, that bloody child of yours would still have a father...It's my fault that your baby would never grow up with a father to look up to!" With one last vindictive look, he stormed out of the room leaving behind a room full of people with pained expressions etched on their faces.  
  
*** Harry slammed the door shut. He really did not intend to hurt their feelings, but he couldn't help keep the bitterness out of his voice and his emotions. They were too bottled up inside and he really needed to get it out of his system.  
  
"Damn you Ron!" He shouted angrily, pummeling the pillow.  
  
*** I knocked at his door. "Ron?"  
  
I heard no reply nor did I hear a slight movement he made. I knocked again.  
  
"Ron? Ron please open the door. We need to talk."  
  
I heard something break, like a glass or the like. My heart raced.  
  
I took a deep breath, "Fine, then I would do it myself." I took out my wand and muttered, "Alohomora." The lock clicked and I went in his room. Darkness penetrated through my eyes the moment I opened his door. Ron, who was bent over his table as he stood, abruptly turned his head towards my direction and gave me an evil look.  
  
"What are you doing here Potter?" he asked in a cold voice. I was taken aback by what he said. He called me by my last name...he really is mad at me.  
  
"I want to talk about...us." I said as I ran my hands up the wall to find the switch.  
  
"Don't turn on the lights."  
  
"Alright..." I raised my hand in surrender. "Fine by me."  
  
He stared at me then bent over the table again. I couldn't see what he was trying to put together. I just heard a "click"  
  
"What's that?" I asked nervously.  
  
"None of your fucking business Potter."  
  
"Ron, what's wrong?"  
  
He slowly turned around to face. "You want to know?!" he sounded vindictive, and almost hysterical. "You want to know what's wrong? Fine then, I'll tell you what's fucking wrong!"  
  
"Ron..." I tried to speak but my voice was trapped in my throat. My eyes watered.  
  
"You! You're the only thing that's totally wrong in this whole damn world! You treat me as nothing! You're this superstar whom everyone adores! People neglect me because they only see me as your fucking sidekick! That was fine with me for a while...but as of late...It's becoming too much." He broke into sobs. "Ron...I-..I..don't" I said through tears.  
  
"What is it with you? What is it in you that's not in me? Are you a god? If you are, then burn in hell!"  
  
"Ron...don't...what made you say that?!"  
  
"You're a god Potter...do you know that?! Everything I own is rubbish, I'm rubbish as far as I know and you're a god! And how about Hermione?"  
  
"What about-?"  
  
"Don't play dumb Harry...I saw you...she's the only thing that makes me live and forget that my life is all but a lie...and YOU are trying to take her away from me!"  
  
He turned sideways, away from me and cried harder. I started sobbing. I couldn't stand to see him like this, and hearing all his insecurities about me. How could he ever think that way? I didn't imagine that that was eating him up. I slowly started to walk towards him but he quickly moved backwards until his hip hit the edge of the table. He put his hand on the table and took out a gun, pointing it at me.  
  
"What the-?" I stopped dead on my tracks.  
  
"Don't come nearer or I'll shoot!" He shouted, holding the gun with both hands.  
  
"Where the hell did you get that thing?"  
  
"Ever since we've moved in this muggle settlement area, I already had this with me."  
  
"Please, Ron...put that down!"  
  
"No! Stay there!"  
  
"Ron," I pleaded. "Please don't."  
  
"You don't know how painful it is Harry." He started in a low melancholic voice between sobs. "You don't know how it is to be in my place-"  
  
"Ron, I don't understand, never in my life-"  
  
"Would you quit that shit?" he interrupted. "You're a liar! I don't want to hear any more of your damn explanations!"  
  
"Ron, believe me! I-"  
  
"No! Stop! Stop talking to me like that!" he sobbed. "If that's true, then why are you just saying it right now? Why didn't you say it before?"  
  
"Because I didn't know how you felt this way because of me...and I am not taking Hermione away from you! Ron, you didn't even give me a clue!"  
  
"Shut up! Stop your lies...I want none of them!" "Ron, please put that down...I'm begging you!" I pleaded.  
  
"NO! No!" he lamented  
  
"Why?!"  
  
He paused for a while and removed one his hands from the handle of the gun. He pulled the hammer and moved the slide.  
  
"No...don't...please don't do this Ron..." I said as I took a step towards him. My heart was pounding on my head. "Don't...please...no..."  
  
"Don't come any nearer Harry...I'm warning you."  
  
"Ron...please let me help you!"  
  
He just held on the gun and looked at me. He took a deep breath and moved his hand a little, bringing the gun to his side.  
  
"I guess your help came a little too late." He muttered. "I'm just tired and I want to put a rest to this whole thing..."  
  
"Why Ron? No...Why?"  
  
He closed his eyes and gave one last haunting look. "Because I'm tired of being your shadow."  
  
And with that, he quickly brought the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.  
  
***  
  
"RON!" he woke up, feeling the sweat on his back. The pounding of his heart and his gasps echoed throughout his room. Once again he woke up from another nightmare. He felt a tear slide down his cheek, then uncontrollable sobs came out of his mouth.  
  
"Why?" he asked Ron, like he always did. "Why did you do it?" He knew it was senseless asking questions...questions that would never be answered by Ron because he was gone and it was all Harry's fault.  
  
At that, Harry just broke down on his bed, stuffing the sheet into his mouth to muffle his harsh sobs, crying away...tears that were because of him and his only brother...Ron. ***  
  
Harry woke the next morning with his head throbbing like hell. Last night was just like all of the other nights wherein he'd stare at the ceiling for hours on end not realizing that he's crying and fall asleep at the most unholiest hour.  
  
He was reaching for his glasses when he heard a soft knock.  
  
"Harry?" Hermione's faint voice asked. "Harry? May I come in?" She asked again. Before he could answer, she turned the knob and opened the door. She looked at him for a moment, grasping his vulnerability and hung her head.  
  
"I'm sorry." She turned away, ready to leave him alone.  
  
"Hermione, wait... you – you don't have to go." Harry's hoarse voice resounded. She turned again and entered his room.  
  
She sat down on the foot of his bed and said, "Will you please accompany me to the doctor today Harry?" She knew that her request, at some point would be denied, but to her surprise he just grunted what sounds like a yes.  
  
"Good, then please be ready. We'll be leaving in 10 minutes." She stood and rushed out of the room leaving Harry to prepare his self.  
  
Exactly after 10 minutes, he and Hermione were on their way to Muggle London to a Muggle doctor. 


End file.
